Are you sure we’re allowed up here?
Sure, I go up here all the time. Grandma and Grandad don’t care.
It sure is creepy . . . and what’s that smell? It smells like your Grandad, oldie and moldy.
That’s ‘cause there’s lotsa old stuff up here, but some of it’s pretty neat. Besides, you get used to the smell.
I hope so. At least I don’t have to hug it. Hey, what’s that big thing in the corner over there?
Grandad says it’s a C Chest, whatever that is. Maybe in the last millennium they put letters on chests or something.
Wanna look inside?
I’ve tried, but the lid’s real heavy. Maybe we can both open it.
(Grunt . . . Strain) . . . Uuhhh . . . Whooooaaaa . . . (SLAM!)
Be quiet or Grandad’s gonna come up here to check out the noise.
Aaaaahhhhh! Watch out!
What was that?
It was full of moths . . . and look at the dust. Somebody shoulda vacuumed this thing before they stuck it up here. Wait, it’s clearing. Wow! Look at all the cool stuff in there. What’s this? It says, "Lucky . . . Bag . . . 1981." That’s stupid. It’s not a bag. It’s a book. What kinda idiot would call a book a bag? And what’s so lucky about it? It’d be a lot harder to carry in your pocket than a rabbit’s foot.
Wait, there’s a book mark. Open it.
Wow, the pages are all stuck together. Man, look at the goofy short-hairs. Wait, is this a book about that place your Grandad went to school? What was it called? Wavy or gravy or Navy or something?
Navy, you jerk. It’s Navy. He talks about it sometimes . . . says things like, "It’s a great place to be from," whatever that means. Wait, is that him? It is! It’s Grandad.
Man, he looks so . . . like . . . young! What happened?
Grandad says that when you’re young, you’re wet. He says it’s mostly behind the ears, but I dry my ears after I take a bath so I’m not really sure what he means by that. I guess, if you’re wet when you’re young, then maybe, when you get old, you dry out.
Yeah, and start looking like a raisin or prune or something.
He doesn’t look like a prune and yours looks just as pruney, too.
Sorry. Hey, what’s the card say?
It says, "VISITOR’S PASS – OFFICIAL GUEST OF COMMANDING OFFICER – USS MOUNT HOOD (AE 29) DECOMMISSIONING CEREMONY – 10 August 1999." Man, that’s a long time ago.
Who is Todd Malloy?
Looks like he was the Commanding Officer. I think that’s the boss.
He was in charge of a mountain?
No, Einstein, it’s a ship. Don’t you know anything?
My Grandad went to Air Force, remember?
Oh, I forgot. Sorry.
You learn to live with it. Look, it says this Malloy guy got to be a boss, again, this time on the DAVID R. RAY. Wow, that must be cool having your own ship ‘n stuff—even if it had two first names. What else is in there?
Looks like a letter from one of those old computer things. It says, "Class of ’81 Web Site linked to USNA Alumni Association web site (www.usna.com)."
What’s a web site?
That’s how people used to talk to each other a long time ago before they learned how to use telekeshinski, I mean telekuhneecy, I mean . . . I forget that word.
Telekinesis.
That’s it. Sure beats writing stuff down on paper.
What’s writing?
Never mind. Hey, here’s another one. It’s from someone named Tony Perotti. Sounds Italian, huh?
It says, "New Email Address, a.r.perotti@att.net." What email?
It’s how folks used to send messages on those old computers . . . instead of putting a letter in the mail.
What’s mail?
Did you sleep through history class or what?
No, but I did sit next to Venus Mylow. She distracted me for a whole year. Man, does she have a trunk on her or what?
Yeah. She’s lovely, I guess, but not that talented. Sometimes, I don’t think she has a head on her shoulders. Hey, look. A soda can. See, they did have stuff back then that we still have.
"Mule Kicker?" That’s a weird name for a soda. Is it full?
Pffffttttt! Yep, still carbonated, too. They brewed ‘em to last back then, didn’t they? Yecchhh! Tastes awful. Who would buy this stuff anyway?
Didn’t your Grandad once say that, at Navy, the big kids used to make the little kids buy some stuff, even if they didn’t want to?
Yeah, but I think he was talking about books or something. Hey, look at these yellowed things. They say "For Immediate Release" and they’re from some place called the Fleet Home Town News Center.
How many are there? One . . . two . . . nine. What are they?
They’re like little book reports . . . about people Grandad used to know, I bet. You read ‘em.
May 1999, Bill Morgan went to the Med in ENTERPRISE. February 1999, Dan Harrington is at the Naval Safety Center, NAS Norfolk. April 1999, Bob Dolan is CO of JOHN HANCOCK in Mayport, FL. April 1999, Scott Billington is CO of VR-57 in San Diego, CA. May 1999, Gerry Hueber is in STETHEM out of San Diego. March 1999, Kathy Moeller got an MSM in COMFORT out of Baltimore. May 1999, Mike Christopher is CO of VP-92 out of Brunswick, ME. April 1999, Tom Green went to EODMU 3 in Coronado, CA. May 1999, Mike McKinnon went to KENTUCKY (Gold) out of Kings Bay, GA. Well, that was pretty neat, but I don’t get it. What’s the point?
I think Grandad said they used to send these things to newspapers back where people grew up. The papers would reprint the stuff for locals who were still kicking around on a piece of ground in their hometown, waiting for something or someone to show them the way. Sort of an Andy Warhol thing.
What’s a newspaper? Who’s Andy Warthog?
Never mind. Hey, check this out. It’s from an old time picnic out by a river near some hospital, I think. Looks like they were even cooking food over a fire.
Primitive. Why didn’t they use a photon oven?
They weren’t invented ‘til after the Roswell Wars so they had to do nature boy stuff like this.
Gross! There are bugs outside . . . and dirt. Who were these people?
More friends of Grandad, I think. What does he call them? Classmates? Man, they look sorta young like Mom and Dad.
I can’t believe your Grandad ever looked like that. He’s ugly and has a big nose.
It’s not big. It’s Roman. Hey, there’s a partial list of attendees.
Why are you talking like that?
Long story. Here goes. Bob Bellitto, Charlene and Matt Carr, Sabrina and Chuck Coughlin, Pam and Joe Cronauer, Lisa and Mike Dzieciolowski, Steve Eastberg, Jane and Herb Elkin, Mary Gunther, Mark Hyman, Laureen Mahoney, Bill McGuinness, Stretch Moran, Pete Morgan, Mike Manazir, Dave Rickards, Jim Rodrock, Pat Ryan, Dennis Sawyer, Pat and Otto Stutz, Tex Taylor, Joe Terlizzese, Carol and Bubba Turman and Fred Tettlebach and, what’s this? Apologies to those who were there and were left off of the list. What difference does it make? It’s ancient history.
Aaaaahhhhh! Ptttoooo! Yecchh!
What happened? What happened?
Cob web.
Oh. Say, here’s one of those "Haven’t Dropped Off The Edge" things from a guy named Nick Schacht.
Lemme read this one. It says he’s alive and well and hopes you are the same. Why wouldn’t I be? He’s been a civilian for a while (since ’87) and spent the last 10 years in the education/training industry. Does he mean 1987 or 1887?
1987, you moron. They’re not THAT old.
Oh. It goes on to say that he’s COO for a start-up roll-up called Global Learning Systems and he’s happy to talk to folks about it if they’re interested. He also has three kids, Armita, 16, Anahita, 14, and Eugene, 13, and he’s four years into his second marriage. Wow, his kids probably have kids our age by now, ‘ya think?
Probably. What else?
He splits his time between DC, travel and NYC where his wife, Megan, has a psychology practice. He’s also been singing with the Washington Men’s Camerata for the past four years—it’s an outlet.
Wow, Grandad wasn’t kidding. Even the men are talented.
Yeah, but they’re not lovely.
Wait. Here’s a reeeeaaalllly old one from 1983. It talks about a George Patton-like motivational speech the Ensign Bob Bellitto gave to the Grapes on MANITOWOC before D-Day on Grenada.
What’d he say?
I’m not sure, but he must’ve used a lotta words because it says the Grapes were "not so much impressed as confused" especially when someone told them later that all he wanted was for them to do a good job.
Why didn’t he just say so?
That’s what the Grapes said. Hold on. There’s something with smudges all over it down in the corner. I can’t make it out . . . something about wearing steel-toed boots for two continuous days of flight ops and smelly feet . . .
They put that in the newspaper? Must’ve been local news.
Here’s a short one about some guy named Erik Eriksen’s email addresses.
What is it?
(H) eeriksen@visi.net and (W) eriksenea@nnsy.navy.mil
What were those sounds you just made?
Parentheses.
Oh.
Hey, shoulder boards. Cool.
What’s the anchor for?
MIR.
MIR? Isn’t that a piece of Russian space junk that almost falls on Duluth every year?
No, it’s "midshipman-in-ranks."
Whatever. Anything else in there? I’m getting kinda hungry.
Just some scraps of paper with addresses and phone numbers.
Let’s read ‘em and then go see what’s for lunch.
OK. Cindy and John McCandlish, 6221 Capella Ave., Burke, VA 22015. (H) 703-455-0951. Vicki and Vince Hartman, Public Works, Washington Navy Yard, (W) 202-433-4103. That’s it.
Good. Let’s eat.
You gonna help me close this thing up or what?
OK . . . (Grunt . . . Strain) . . . Uuhhh . . . Whooooaaaa . . . (SLAM!)
Oowwww! Finger!
Sorry. Man. Hey, my backside itches.
I told you not to sit on the insulation. You’ll be picking that stuff outta your skin for weeks, now.
Wait, look. A piece of paper blew outta the chest when we closed it. It’s headed downstairs.
Quick, grab it before my Grandad sees it. Good. What’s it say.
It says "Later, Chic."