Five years after 9/11 - A Mother's Memoirs

Today is a day that five years ago changed my life personally in ways I would never have imagined.

No, I am not one who lost a loved one on this day...hence I know the depth of emotions I am experiencing today, while profound for me - do not approach what those families with loved ones on the airplanes, or the Twin Towers, or the Pentagon are dealing with....

Nevertheless - today my thoughts are running like this....

"Mom, I'm going to serve my country… and I want to be buried where Grandma is, up at the Episcopal Conference Center in Oakhurst, CA." Those were the words I heard out of the mouth of my youngest child, my baby girl, as we sat together at the end of her school day looking again and again at the TV reruns of the events of Sept. 11, 2001. The hair on the back of my head stood out. As a Christian I believe in God speaking through His Spirit - and I knew that I knew that I knew this was no idle comment coming from her lips. My child had experienced an epiphany, and this was as clear a call of God upon her life as one would ever hear. I remember hugging her and telling her: "Honey, mommies don't want to think about things like this on a day like today, but if this is what you want to do, I'll support you 100%." I felt like Mary in the Bible, who when she heard some pretty scary things about her child… ‘pondered these things in her heart.'

That very night, of all possible nights, was a preliminary meeting for all interested 8th grade families at our middle school. The school runs an optional 8th grade trip to Washington D.C. as part of their history lessons. We had already told our daughter we wanted her to go. The trip promotions this year heralded: "In addition we're also going to NEW YORK CITY!".

Its 7pm the night of Sept. 11 and 30 glassy eyed parents are sitting in a middle school classroom attending this orientation meeting for the upcoming trip. All of us are thinking, "do we DARE send our children east to not only Washington D.C. but New York City?" Amazingly, all thirty families ended up signing our children up for this trip - which took place the following February. Looking back, I realized all of us were quite brave parents - making a statement within ourselves that terrorism wasn't going to stop us from loving our children, our country and our way of life and this was one small way we could affirm our support. Although I bet not one of us could have verbalized it that clearly then.

Fast forward to February, when my child returns from her nine day trip - As I wait in the school parking lot on that cool winter evening - I wonder what my child will be like after this first away-from-home experience. As she gets off the bus, she eagerly seeks me out, collapses in my arms in tears and says with great conviction, "Mom, I love my country. I am so grateful to be an American. Now that I've seen Ground Zero, and the War Memorials, I know I have to serve my country NOW." I had no idea how a 12 year old girl could accomplish this, but I simply listened to her heart's ramblings, and 'pondered these things in my heart.'

It was our daughter who got on the internet and discovered the Air Force Auxiliary: Civil Air Patrol (CAP) - It was our daughter who begged us to take her to nearby Camp Pendleton to join this group.

About three months later after she completes her first promotion board in CAP - which includes both a written test and oral test/interview, the Commander of the Squadron and the Asst. Commander approach me and say: "You're child is amazing. No one has ever done what she has done before. She scored 100% and never flinched in her oral testing. She is a super-star and will rise to the top of this Squadron." I looked strangely at these two men. I listened to them almost suspiciously. What's the big deal for her getting high test scores and speaking well? My own high parenting standards for all my children would have expected no less. I told them she had just won a county-wide speaking contest - having competed through four levels of competition, so it's not that unusual that she would comport well in a personal test interview. But the Commander looked at me and said, "This child is destined for great things. She tells us she wants to serve in the military. She will definitely be a fine Officer one day." Once again, I ‘pondered these things in my heart.'

Our daughter indeed rises through the ranks of CAP and joins their Color Guard unit that is the National Color Guard winners for the entire CAP. I watch my child cultivate her sense of honor, and duty, and love of country. At one competition, her Color Guard made an error in the presentation of the colors and I was told later by her Commander that she was crying. He assumed she was crying because they did less than a perfect job and it would affect their overall scores. Instead she told him, "No, I was embarrassed about how we treated our country's flag, it's that important to me." Another indication of what was going on inside of this 14 year old girl. And, I ‘pondered these things in my heart.'

Its early October last year, I'm taking a nap. I usually pick up our mail before then, but on this day, I hadn't. My daughter comes home from school a bit early and gets the mail. I wake up to hysterical tears of joy. "mmmmmmooooommmm, she says, shaking...mooommmmm I got an LOA!" Together we read and re-read the USNA letter promising her a spot in the Class of 2010 once everything was completed. This was one more confirmation that indeed, serving her country by attending the Academy was God's call upon her life. The months flew by through senior year, the Congressional nomination process - the Appointment coming in early January - the running around to County offices, doctor's appointments, etc...a joyous process marching in a timeline for Induction Day, June 28th. At each step the look of joy on my child's face only confirms what we've all, especially her, have been working towards for what seems like a lifetime. I continue to ‘ponder these things in my heart.’

Yesterday ...

I called my daughter and shared all these thoughts with her.

Then I said, "Honey - five years ago you told me what you were going to do and look where you are! It's no longer a future goal, but a living reality!"

I told her how these five years were ones that challenged me in ways I never expected. I know that as a mother I had a lot of opportunities to derail her calling from God or at least to make it difficult to achieve. I had more than one parent ask me over the past years, "how on earth could you LET your child choose military service?" In my opinion, it was more important to LET my child follow the path God had so clearly called her to, than to interfere. I told her that suddenly I understood the Biblical mother of Jesus more clearly. She knew the path her son was called to take. Why didn't she just talk Joseph into moving to Greece for example - instead of hanging around Nazareth and Jerusalem with her child? She had to make a choice to NOT interfere with his calling. I made the same kind of choice with her.

My daughter's response to me was insightful:

"Mom, for me, Sept.11th was only the beginning of what I felt. It was the culmination of all the other experiences - my 8th grade trip, my discussions with teachers in middle school and high school who served in the military, my joining Civil Air Patrol, my Color Guard competitions, the re-enacted USO shows we did in high school all contributed to my understanding of what I felt called to do.

So the "fait accompli" that I saw and felt so clearly in my heart at her initial statements was only the 'step one' within her heart. I realized how significant my actions had been over those years - and how influential my decision to "LET" her follow her interests really had been. This is something else I'll 'ponder in my heart.'

I replied, "Janell, when I tell you over and over how proud of you I am, and how amazing I think you are, how much I love you, it's because I have watched you for the past five years move from a divine calling on your life to Plebe year at USNA. You are finally living the life you have been called to!" What was once 'the future' and a hope, is now a living reality... and yes, I was crying.

So as I remember this day, what my child said 5 years ago, and where she is today - I feel a mixture of joy and sadness, pride and terror. But, mostly if feel gratitude that not only has God equipped my child with a desire to serve her country, but He has given her the intellectual, emotional, spiritual and physical gifts to accomplish this goal.

All of us parents of young people at the US Naval Academy have something poignant to be dealing with today. Each and every one of us knows our children are being trained for WAR and there are real people in real places who really want to kill us... and our children are part of our line of defense.

Moms and Dads - my co-parents in this journey with children who are, or soon will be receiving Commissions in our Navy/Marines, thank you for also supporting your children in this calling God has placed upon their hearts. I salute each one of you today and thank you one and all. We need each other. Thanks for being there for me, for my child, for our country.

God Bless America.

Diane Peske

Wife to John ‘1972

Mom to Janell ‘2010