A Letter to My Son Before I-Day

I've found that sometimes a written message, read alone, is an effective communication method with my kids. The information I included in this letter came from several sources, and I don't even remember where it came from, but much of it was directed toward parents understanding the reasons for Plebe Summer.. but I thought it's message would benefit my son too.

Bryan,

When a family sends a son or daughter off to USNA, part of each parent goes too. Parents wait for the letters that never seem to arrive. Calls that are limited to five stressful minutes often bring messages that no one wants to hear. Remember, we are with you and will support you with our prayers over the next four years and especially over the six weeks of Plebe Summer!

Not all young men and women struggle through Plebe Summer, but it is safe to say that most do. It is not suppose to be easy! Some of your classmates will ask to leave during plebe summer. This does not mean they are bad in character, weak or confused. The Academy is not for everyone. However, Plebe Summer is not a good time to make that decision.

I believe you have made the right decision, as you want more than a good education. You want to do something important in your life and make a difference in the world. You have not chosen the easy route, but I know it will bring you to a place where few people have the opportunity to go. You know that Mom and I will do anything we can for you and we support your decision. We love you….

Dad

Here is some insight into the USNA and Plebe Summer/Year that might make the process more understandable while you are there. It was written for parents, but I think there is a lot of good material that will make the “experience” a little easier for you too.

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With more than 150 years of experience, USNA has perfected its training techniques to a fine pitch. To begin with, if your son or daughter is one of the few accepted to USNA (and only 11% of the applicants are), then chances are he or she is used to being very good at nearly everything, from academics to sports. He or she was probably in the top 10% of the class, probably was a class officer — in short he/she was a “big man or woman ”on campus with the confidence that goes with it. Over the years USNA has become accustomed to having 1,200 strong-willed, high energy, high achieving, hotshots show up at its gates every July. But, not to worry. USNA and their Navy and Marine Drill Instructors have become quite good at instilling a little “humility” in quite a short period of time. The Navy knows that before any training can begin these high-caliber, young individuals must learn how to perform as a team; they must learn to depend on other people. They will need their peers to be successful at Annapolis; in fact, they’ll need to rely on other people throughout their careers, so they’d best start learning that now. Thus the process of breaking in the new Plebes begins. The Academy will teach them how to depend on one another. Since most of the Plebes have participated in athletics, teamwork is not a new concept to them. But USNA will take teamwork to a new level.

The Naval Academy can be an intimidating place for a young person, even more intimidating when you add Cadre and Drill Instructors to the mix. But it gets “worse”. In the past, these young men and women have often encountered difficult times in one way or another, but were bolstered by the fact that they always seemed to be a little better than most around them. This is probably the biggest wake-up call of all …suddenly they find that they ’re surrounded by thousands of young people, all of whom seem as good or better than they are, and perhaps for the first time in their young lives they may find themselves failing at something. This is truly unsettling.

The shocker for most Plebes comes when they realize they have gone from the top of the heap to the very, very bottom. The Naval Academy has a delicate term that puts it in perspective: Plebes are simply called “Pond Scum“. Not only have these young men and women been propelled down into the depths of Bancroft Hall, but they often do not know a soul. And they do not have time, or the ability, to talk to anyone. Thus they’ve lost the support group that they have always unwittingly depended upon. Almost every Plebe shares similar thoughts during their first night in Bancroft Hall … “Oh man! What did I get myself into? All my friends are back home having a great time and looking forward to leaving for some great college or university following a glorious, fun-filled summer. What the hell am I doing here!” While it may not be as hard on the parents as it is on their Plebes, the parents run a close second. Just a few weeks earlier their children were high school kids; now they are in the military! And no one has heard from them. And they can’t call home!

Meanwhile, the Navy’s process marches forward. The Plebes become even more humble, they learn to depend on each other and for the first time they accept the fact that they may not be as good as they thought they were. At this point it’s quite natural to find one’s self confidence at an all-time low: “How,” they ask themselves in their worst moments, “ am I going to survive four years of this place in the midst of such competition? Do I fit in? Will I ever get the hang of all this military stuff?”

USNA is tough, there’s no question about that. Its curriculum is designed to push students to their limits and then show them they can stretch those limits by a considerable margin. Long ago the Naval Academy learned that a person must first learn to follow before he or she can lead. By the end of Plebe Year they have learned to follow --as a team. The young Plebes also learn that as a leader they must be able to manage stress; people's lives will depend on their ability to think clearly and operate under pressure. While it may seem like Mickey Mouse harassment at times, Plebes are given much more to do than they can possibly manage. This is done purposely in order to teach the Plebes how to prioritize, how to manage time and how to operate under pressure. Most Plebes do learn to manage the process and they find that the limits of their capabilities are more vast than they had ever imagined. And their parents? They’ve learned they can deal with it too, although maybe not as well! But how quickly their children have developed; it doesn’t seem possible.

The question is often asked, “So how does one prepare for Plebe Summer and the academic year that follows?” It's probably best to go to Annapolis with no pre-conceived notions. Don’t give the mind room to wander. You have accepted the appointment, you are going to take all they have to give, and then, at the end of Plebe Summer or at the end of Plebe Year, you will make an informed decision. It’s then that you’ll be best prepared to ask yourself. “Is this what I want to do?”

As a new Mid with questions, here’s the a big key to helping you stay on point: Do not even consider making a decision during Plebe Summer. No good decisions are made in the middle of a hurried, hassled, pressure-ridden schedule. Perhaps the best advice that can be given to a soon-to-be Plebe is: Do not make it harder on yourself by letting your mind think you have options. I can tell you from experience, if the mind thinks there are indeed options, it will constantly be working, day and night, trying to figure a way to get you to more comfortable ground. From the start tell yourself, “I signed up, I am going to see this through. Then I’ll decide what I want to do … after I finish.” Don't waste your time and energy exploring other options.

In summary, remember what USNA is trying to accomplish. First, they want to show you that many around you are just as good as you – maybe even better at times. Second, you’d better be able to depend on those around you; teamwork is essential to survival. Third, expect to be given an unreasonable workload, learn to prioritize and manage your time. Last, there will be a lot of stress. Work hard to learn to manage it because someday, people will depend on your ability to cope under stress.

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P.S. Bryan, you are not just attending just the Naval Academy; you are going to the best leadership school the world has ever known. You join young men and women who also have the "whole package". They are smart, athletic and have outstanding leadership potential. You will be surrounded by tomorrow's leaders. It may take time for you to realize what you’ve accomplished and that you belong there. PT on a hot, summer morning, or memorizing things that don’t make sense might not exactly inspire confidence or nice comfy feelings about the path you’ve selected. But, look at the big picture and the long term. Stay the course. You know you have our support. We will always be there when you need us and we pray for your success and safety.